So surprise, surprise, another one of you morons wrote to me. Can’t you just leave me in peace? You’re taking up precious time that I could be spending with my Linux.
Dear Master of the Extraordinary,
I have to admit I’ve never actually visited your site before. I guess you guys are like comedians or something, right? It doesn’t really matter; I’ll take advice from anyone at this point, even if you are a creepy robot from outer space. The problem is there is this amazing girl in my psychology class named Carla – and I think I’m in love with her. She is beautiful, intelligent and hilarious. Unfortunately, I’m a little bit shy so I haven’t talked to her yet. Last week I tried to hide a poem I wrote inside her backpack, but I don’t think she found it. I’m starting to get worried. Please tell me Mr. Extraordinary, what should I do to win her love?
Thanks for the help!
A Shy Boy
Dear Shy Boy,
You’re not even a fan of our site!?! Why the fuck should I waste my time with you then? (They’re always idiots….)
Basically you have two options:
1) Ask her out on a date. She’ll probably say no because you’re kind of creepy but at least you can move onto staring at some other chick.
2) Confess to her your undying love and tell her that you two were destined to be together. This option is my personal favorite because after she puts a restraining order on you, it’ll be easier to convince other girls that you’re a badass.
The Master of the Extraordinary
And remember if you too would like to be verbally abused by a “creepy robot from outer space” (at least I get laid, fuckers), send an email to email@example.com.
– The Master of the Extraordinary