Carlos bet me I couldn’t write a whole article without making fun of someone. How wrong he is! I’m the one who single handedly built this site out of nothing. I’m the one who makes sure the trains run on time. I’m the one who keeps all of our staff in line…
People ask me a [diverse array] of [intelligent] questions: “Who are you?” “Where do you come from?” “What’s the deal with your name?” “Why are you always so mean to people?” “Have you really gotten laid before?” “Did you really save the planet from the Pterodactyl invasion?” “Are you human? Robot? Cyborg? Fu Manchu?”
Rather than answer any of these questions, I have decided to respond to what I’m sure all of you [fine individuals] meant to ask: “How did you get involved with Tales of Extraordinary Sanity in the first place?” As I’m sure you remember from this article, TES was the product of Simone and Carlos’ overindulgences at a local watering hole. Absent, however, is any mention of yours truly. And with good reason! For I would [be remiss] to ever enter such [an establishment].
So no, I was not one of the original founders of TES. These [geniuses] only let me join out of desperation. They thought they could run this site on their own. Throw some [entertaining] stories here, add a dash of [funny] photographs there and voilà: a blog! What could be easier?
Turns out they didn’t know CSS from CSI or WordPress from Tumblr from Facebook’s Notes. The [poor souls] needed a [little bit of help]. I had recently parted ways from a certain well known web search engine company and was working on a new logarithm that is going to revolutionize the way people search. Anyways, I happened to randomly come across their [site] one day and immediately felt bad for them. I offered to help [pro bono] on the condition that they would let me run things so that they could [focus on their writing]. And I’ve been their [beloved leader] ever since.
I did it! Pay up b*%&h!
And don’t forget, if you would like to have your request for advice ridiculed, email me at email@example.com.
– The Master of the Extraordinary