So this is how much I love you guys. Even though I’m curled up in a ball on my bed, sweating and crying out in pain, I’m still going to write today’s article. Because I care and I know how sad you all would be without a new one. But I do this purely out of love and maybe a little bit of guilt. This is kind of my fault after all. My mamá always used to tell me that I didn’t know how to take proper care of myself.
I guess that’s why she used to be so overprotective of me. When I was a little kid she would always hold onto my hand wherever we went. She never let me run off on my own and do what I wanted. It’s not like I would have done anything wrong! Like when we would go food shopping and I would try to fill the cart with those candy-for-breakfast cereals and those superhero shaped ice cream bars. She’d always put them back when I wasn’t looking.
As I got older, it only got worse. I was a growing boy and I had to eat right. No, I couldn’t leave the dinner table until after I had eaten everything on my plate. Of course she hadn’t given me too much. Didn’t I want to be a big tough guy and attract all the ladies? Didn’t I know she wanted grandchildren (just so long as I didn’t let the snake out of the cage too soon)? Of course I couldn’t have any chips or soda. Young ladies don’t want to date a tubby.
So I guess it serves me right that now I’m writhing in pain on the first Easter weekend I spend by myself. I just had to eat all those chocolate eggs and bunnies all at once, not to mention the jelly beans and Peeps. I couldn’t leave some for tomorrow. I had to gorge myself on every last one. I probably even ate some of that fake grass. And yet, in a strange way, I’m happy. I just wish I could get up to use the bathroom.
– Carlos de la Gringa