Yes, we are pestering you. Yes, we are spamming you! Every day, without shame. It wasn’t enough to write a daily article about nothing and post on our Facebook, “subtlely” encouraging you to read our articles. Now TES is on Twitter! Are you one of the “thousands of hundreds” that can’t live without us? What? Did you cheer with us when our site got flagged for explicit content? When your mother caught you while you were looking at porn, did you use Carlos’s article In Defense of Pornography as your defense? Did you get grounded anyway, as if the emotional trauma was not bad enough? Do you know why you got grounded? Because you are an idiot! And do you know why you are an idiot? Because you read too much Tales of Extraordinary Sanity!
Results of a European survey – and Europeans know everything – show how reading bullshit on a regular basis can seriously damage your neuronal connections. The brain starts the production of a toxic neurotransmitter – Stupidin – that inhibits the communication between synapses and causes insanity and hysteria. But the worst of all: top-secret governmental research seems to indicate that Stupidin is the cause of happiness and independent thinking. Stupidin was discovered by the Nazi scientist Hans Fuchshard Kulen during the ‘40s. Fuchshard Kulen’s hope was to discover the cause of male superiority over women. Sad to say, his final results showed that Stupidin is present in equal quantities among all humans. After the war the US government helped him defect to the US to continue his research during the late ‘60s.
Apparently, high concentrations of Stupidin can help people attain higher levels of consciousness and desires for freedom. As a result, every governmental attempt at brainwashing people has been compromised by Stupidin. But the US government learned from Hans Fuchshard Kulen’s results, and since the ‘70s, the FBI has been monitoring and containing outbreaks of Stupidin. Why am I telling you all of this? Because it has been proven that reading Tales of Extraordinary Sanity increases one’s levels of Stupidin. For this reason we will continue publishing daily without fail, until the day “they”come for us.
So don’t forget: Tales of Extraordinary Sanity is now on twitter!
– Simone la Cuercha