Yesterday’s article about the sleep strike got me thinking about striking in general and how shitty it is to have to work. And then something started to bother me. I remembered the last book I read – which sucked – and the boring movie I saw last Friday. I started calculating all the money I’ve wasted in book stores and movie theaters over the past years, not to mention the money I’ve thrown away on videogames that turned out to be real pieces of shit after I installed them. And I started wondering: if everybody else is getting rich off this shit, why can’t I?
I can be just as much of a lazy bastard as the next guy. I can crank out pure shit. It’s easy. And as a writer that’s basically what I’m doing already. So why can’t I get paid for my shit? You know what? I’m going on a shit strike. I don’t give a shit. No more bathrooms for me. Good bye toilet. I’m done with that shit. From now on, if I’m going to be shitting, I want to be adequately compensated. Nothing in this world is free anymore. And all you other lazy employees out there, follow my lead. They can’t survive without our shit! So let’s go on a shit strike.
I know what you’re thinking, “But Simone, if we don’t shit, we’re going to explode!”
Repeat after me: I am a brave man! I DON’T GIVE A SHIT! Make sure they can hear you! I DON’T GIVE A SHIT! Why can’t they pay for our shit, just like they pay for everybody else’s? WE DON’T GIVE A SHIT! For they can take our lives, but they will never take our shit!
– Simone la Cuercha