The Day I Fell in Love with Romance Novels

A pile of romance novels from the 80s lies in front of me.  Suddenly I’m flooded with memories of high school: our PE instructor hiding whatever she was reading when the guys would arrive for gym class and female classmates blushing and laughing while they read books together in closed circles during recess. I remember, as a young boy at the beach, seeing a topless lady reading that same “impossible love crap”, relaxing with her sunglasses on and a cigarette in her mouth. And then I understand what this big pile of trashy books is trying to telling me.

I should write pornography for women!

I can copy some shit here, paste some shit there.  Our hero, Armando Mendoza, is a sensitive Spanish gentleman, romantic but strong, sure of what he wants. He is the type of guy that seems almost plausible but yet impossible to find in real life. One day Armando runs into Anita, who never has met a man like Armando before. She is awkward and insecure, but Armando gives her everything she has ever dreamed. A few sex scenes: everything soft. All psychological introspection and sensations and bla bla bla. And here we are. That’s some good shit. I could even turn it into a trilogy. No, wait! An entire series!

I’ll become a national bestseller. I’ll be in every girl’s bedroom! Waiting under the pillow to be read!  A good friend, always willing to help in those private moments in the bathtub, somebody who will never let you down. I can see it now. Easy money and fame. And lots of free time. Screw it, I’m going to become a romantic novel writer! Why should I work my ass off and suck up to everyone, only to get fucked over by somebody higher up?

Fuck everything, screw everybody: from now on, Simone la Cuercha is a freelance writer of cheeky sensational romance novels!

– Simone la Cuercha

-Ed. Let us know what your favorite romance novel is in the comment’s section below.  We won’t tell!



Filed under Random Musing, Simone la Cuercha

2 responses to “The Day I Fell in Love with Romance Novels

  1. Keily D. Levy

    Moby Dick

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