I was busy coding the other day when I received a strange email from one of our readers:
Dear Tales of Extraordinary Sanity,
I am your biggest fan! I have read every single article that you have ever written and think that you guys are comic geniuses! I don’t know how you guys do it but keep up the good work!
Anyways, since you all seem so smart, I was wondering if you could help me out with a small problem that I have been having lately. You see, my girlfriend has been complaining a lot about the amount of time that I spend on the computer. Apparently, I don’t pay enough attention to her or some bullshit like that. I don’t know what the big deal is. What’s wrong with coming home from a long day at work and screwing around, visiting sites like yours? I need to unwind! Why can’t she understand that??
Thanks for the help!
A Big Computer Nerd
Do I look like an advice columnist to you!?! I sure as hell don’t remember asking our readers to “please tell us your problems at email@example.com and we will help you out in a jiffy!” I don’t have time for this shit. You think this site is going to just run itself? *&$%#@*#%@……..
….Alright, Simone and Carlos have convinced me to respond, just this once, so here goes:
Dear Big Computer Nerd,
You fucking idiot! What’s wrong with you? Your girlfriend is calling out to you, “Baby, I miss you, I need you sooo bad right now” and you’re staring at a computer screen? Rather than picking her up and throwing her into bed, you diddle around looking at porn!! If you really enjoy watching that farting one-eyed octopus more than her, have your girlfriend give me a call and everybody can go home happy.
The Master of the Extraordinary
PS Don’t anybody ever write me again!
– The Master of the Extraordinary