This holday season, get extra close to your lover…
…Without your arm falling asleep!
Although this would be even better…
While we may not be the brightest bulbs in the box (especially Carlos), five bucks says we’re not the only ones who would “jump in” just to be sure.
Finally, we here at Tales of Extraordinary Sanity, would like to wish you and your family a very merry Christmas (except for your Uncle Herbert, who gives us the creeps)!
- The Master of the Extraordinary
Filed under Saturday Night Jives
This is a new type of column we are introducing here at Tales of Extraordinary Sanity called “Saturday Night Jives”. Every Saturday evening we are going to post a few of our favorite images, videos and sites that we came across during the previous week. Comments, criticisms, or suggestions for the following week are more than welcome. Enjoy (or I’ll come and find you)!
Can I help you?
Why you never f#$% with the Marines...
Tell your kids: creativity kills.
- The Master of the Extraordinary
Filed under Saturday Night Jives
This is a serial story told over many chapters. To see the first chapter click here.
“One wintry day, the sky-mother lowered her most beloved son down to Earth in a golden cradle. Pondering her child’s fate in the land of men, she tenderly held the little bear one last time before returning to her starry home above…”
Yaloki continued chanting in a low gravelly voice, as he methodically beat a tambourine covered in rattling beads. The music reverberated into the night air, accompanying the wind in its lonesome haunting lament.
A solemn group of villagers sat in a circle around the old man, whose figure glowed in the light of a bonfire behind him. Like baby hawks devouring food their mother has brought them, they listened intently and let the music fill their being.
Several women in bright red and blue shawls stood up and started dancing. They twisted and turned, and turned and twisted, and spun this way and that, all the while carefully rotating their hands above their heads.
After the women sat down, a man draped in a bear pelt stood up. He looked into the eyes of each of the villagers as he fiercely stomped around the circle. Another man in a fur coat stood up and the two wrestled, locked arm in arm for several minutes. Finally the man in the coat grabbed a knife and pretended to stab the man in the bear pelt, who collapsed to the ground. Then they both returned to the circle.
Yaloki put down his tambourine and slowly rose from his deerskin covered chair. Clutching a gnarly twisted stick, he turned and stared into the enormous blaze for a long time before lowering his eyes to the ground. Suddenly, he let out a deep guttural cry and began to speak:
“For many years, we have shared our herds, our songs and our hearths with the Smirin people, and the great bear has rewarded us with peace. But now, the sly hand of greed has taken hold of them, and I fear that we shall soon have war.”
To see the next chapter click here.
- Carlos de la Gringa
Filed under Carlos de la Gringa, Serial
ΚΛΑΣΙΚΕΣ ΠΕΡΙΛΗΨΕΙΣ Classical Summary
ΙΛΙΑΣ (The Iliad)
Ἔφθυγαν (They left)
ΟΔΥΣΣΕΙΑ (The Odyssey)
Γύρισε (He returned)
- Giorgos Houliaras
Of all the articles that I have written, this may be the most contentious yet. Regardless, I cannot tolerate any more derision of this great figure: “He’s long, dull and repetitive”, “It’s just a bunch of drawn out battles and scary monsters”, “I don’t like (epic) poetry”, “He is a sexist, racist, xenophobic, warmongering, polytheistic, blind guy, who didn’t even exist!” Our own Simone la Cuercha once called one of his poems: “F***ing boring”. Poor Homer…
“But Carlos, he is boring!” Nonsense, he may not be the most accessible of “authors” but there is method to his madness. Indeed, the versions of The Iliad and The Odyssey that we possess demonstrate a highly complex and efficient lexical system designed to facilitate their oral composition and recitation. “Sounds like Greek to me, Carlos!”
…&#*$%@!!!
Ok, I’ll try this again: Homeric poets (since the works are the product of an entire tradition, not one sole author) used easy-to-remember stock phrases and topics when orally performing the epics and improvised the rest with their lyrical prowess. This means that the poems weren’t simply thrown together at random. Every strange repetition or juxtaposition of images and ideas carries inherit meaning that contributes to the central themes of each work.
Far more than just “a bunch of drawn out battles”, The Iliad is a frank reflection on the harsh realities of war. Just like in real life, Homer’s work is full of flawed leaders, who let their egos get the better of them, tired frustrated soldiers, who just want to go home, and “independent” third parties, who constantly try to influence the events on the battlefield to further their own agendas. It begs the question: How do you find honor or valor in something as chaotic, cruel, and ultimately futile as war?
As for The Odyssey, it too is more than a straightforward adventure story with “scary monsters”. The poem is a profound examination of what it means to return home, after being separated from one’s family for a long time and having overcome life-changing hardships and frustrations. Indeed, since nothing can escape the transformative effects of time, is a true homecoming even possible?
Please! Don’t dismiss these truly sophisticated works of Western literature!
- Carlos de la Gringa
Filed under Carlos de la Gringa, In Defense of...
We at TES are proud to bring you a very special treat. We sent our foreign correspondent, Patrick Baker, all the way to Tripoli, Libya to report on the latest developments in the NATO campaign. We sat down recently with Patrick and had a little chat via skype. Here is a transcript of part of that conversation:
- The Master of the Extraordinary
TES: What is the mood in Tripoli?
PB: Tripoli?!?! But I thought you said that I was going to Disneyland! Oh God… Why am in Tripoli? Where the hell is Tripoli? Is that the capital of Alberta?
TES: Does the bombing campaign appear to be working?
PB: From the Halls of Montezeuma.. Oh shit, that Tripoli! The one with all the pirates. Wait!? Did you just say bombing?? Why would you bomb pirates? What the f$%# is going on, man? I was just peacefully sleeping in the park, minding my own business and now I’m trapped on a pirate ship?
TES: Do the rebels seem to have formed a legitimate government in Bengazi?
PB: Rebels!? Bengazi?? Hold on, I think I’ve seen this movie. Is this the one where they kidnap that princess and there are all these robots and that furry bear-man and the guy who can’t act to save his life and the other guy who is a B.A.M.F. and then they blow up the Death Star? Oh Lord, please don’t tell me I’m on the Death Star!
TES: Any time frame for when Gadhafi may surrender or when NATO troops may pull out?
PB: Gqhahdhaffiy?? Now you’re just making stuff up. I’m all for practical jokes but this is getting ridiculous. Can you please just let me out of your van? I can hear you moving around up front. Please! I’m getting kind of hungry here…
- Patrick Baker
Filed under Guest Writer
