So, I’ve been asking myself lately, Mike, what pearls of wisdom should you impart upon the masses this week? Boy, people just don’t appreciate how hard it is to be a smart talented handsome twenty-something guy. They’re just too many things I know about the world that you don’t. Because let’s face it, being the “Tiger” means being awesome. But after reading some of the ridiculous questions that the Master of the Extraordinary receives, I suddenly realized my calling: I should teach you guys how to pick up chicks. How to prove to the ladies that you’re the champ. Cause that’s what it’s all about after all, showing them you’re the champ!
You’ve got to be the boss. You know what’s going on. You’re the greatest thing that ever happened to them. But just when they start to get attached to you, WHOOSH! You disappear into thin air like you were never there, like a brief but wonderful dream, the best dream they ever had or ever will have in their whole life.
Anyways, today I wanted to focus on picking a name. A sexy, mysterious magical name. After all, you can’t just go up to a girl and say, hi, my name is Mike. No, no, no! Do you want to spend the rest of your life looking at porn in your mother’s basement? So come on, think of something good. “Tiger” for example is a great name. It’s a powerful, dangerous, beautiful animal. Hey, baby, would you like to go for a ride in the jungle with the “Tiger”? See, much better! She is already dreaming about you picking her up with your big strong arms and throwing her into bed. You’re just too sexy for life. You’re an animal. You’re.. AMAZING!!!!
…..Well, that’s awkward. You don’t happen to have a towel do you?
-Mike “the Tiger” MacNamara