Stuck at the Beach

So I guess I owe everybody an apology. I probably should have prepared some articles before I disappeared. But I didn’t. It was a last minute thing anyways. I just really needed a break. I hopped in a car and headed for the beach without telling anyone. Sorry.

It really is beautiful here. Lounging in the sand, staring at the waves, taking in the sun, a beer in one hand, a novel in the other. The good life! What do we need civilization for when we have this? This is how life is supposed to be lived, embracing nature in all it’s glory. No rules, no worries, and not a car in sight…. Well, except for mine.

Ok, I get it. I should know better. I’m a mature adult; I should have thought before I decided to drive straight out onto the beach. Or at least looked up the right tire pressure beforehand. But no, I have All-Wheel drive, I’ll be fine. What’s the worst that could happen?

Twenty minutes later and my wheels have dug huge cavernous holes in the ground, but the car itself isn’t going anywhere. I get out and start pushing. Come on car! You can do it! My car simply laughs and puffs out some exhaust. What about all those great times we’ve had together, all those late night trips on long lonely back roads? Or all the times I took you to the mechanic when you were feeling ill? Doesn’t that mean anything to you? Come on, help me out here!

So here I am, relaxing at the beach, trying to get as tan as my pale complexion will allow. Waiting for the tide to come and drag my car out to sea. Waiting for the tide to come and drag my wallet out to sea.

Maybe civilization isn’t so bad. Just please come tow my car already!

- Carlos de la Gringa

A Carpet “Trip”

Well, you don’t know what we can find

Why don’t you come with me little girl

On a magic carpet ride?

-Steppenwolf

I almost bought a carpet the other day. I’m not really sure why. It’s not like I have room where I live. Maybe I’ve just seen Aladdin too many times. Anyways, I was wandering through town this past Saturday, when I passed by an “Oriental” street market, full of gaudy paper lanterns, tacky plastic teacups, and enough incense to make my eyes water and my throat itch. The kind of place that I usually try to avoid at all costs.

But some carpets caught my eye; I have always admired their intricate designs. An old Persian (or maybe Azerbaijani?) man asked me if I wanted to try one of them out. I nodded, not really understanding. Then he laid out this fabulous red carpet with golden intertwined branches and purple flowers, and he bid me sit.

So I did, closing my eyes and taking in the wafting smells of “frankincense” and “myrrh”. It actually seemed like the carpet was taking off, slowly at first but soon picking up a frightening pace. Suddenly, I was passing the Great Pyramids on my left, the Taj Mahal on my right, and more sand and camels than I had ever seen in my lifetime.

I landed in this small, bleached-white city surrounded by water. Some locals greeted me in English with a vaguely Arabic accent. One of them placed a beautifully embroidered blue turban on my head. They must have thought I was the Sultan or Pharaoh or something. They brought me out a giant couch. Then they started fanning and hand feeding me olives, catching the pits that I spit out.

They had just begun to lead me to my harem when I finally woke up. All of the vendors and their products were gone, as was the carpet on which I had been “traveling”. What’s more, when I checked my pockets, I couldn’t find my wallet or my cell phone.

I knew I should have gone to a yard sale.

- Carlos de la Gringa