Ask the Master of the Extraordinary (cont.) – Maria, Maria

This is the response to a reader’s question that I published yesterday:

Dear Maria,

You’re a carioca, huh?  That’s cool… I guess.  Or something.  Are you going to remind me how marvelous your city is?

What is it with all these Brazilians writing me?  It’s ridiculous.  Where do you people come from and who taught you how to speak “English”?  First they took over Orkut, then they took the Olympics, next thing you know, they’ll be taking things as fundamentally American as the hot dog, steak and beer!  I would be outraged if I were an American!  But I’m not. Frankly, if you brought your bathing suits, your music and your joie de vivre to the US, I wouldn’t complain. Just keep it down while I’m programming!

Anyways, Maria, Maria, Maria…

They’re right, you know.  Your English actually is terrible, horrendous even. I don’t know what you want me to do about it.  You people seem to have this notion that just because I’m the Master of the Extraordinary, I am simply going to be able to solve your insignificant little problems.  Look, I’m not a relationship counselor, or a speech therapist or a witch doctor (not that you’d know if I were…).  The point is I can’t make you learn a language magically.

However, if I were you, I would try to improve my English as quickly as possible: watch tv, read books, “make new friends” (Your boyfriend will understand it’s for the greater good). If you still can’t improve your English, just move back to Brazil. I find it hard to believe that any guy would be able to turn down beach, sun and Brazilian-style fun.

Cordially Yours,

The Master of the Extraordinary

PS Qualquer coisa, esqueça do seu namorado e eu vou para Rio com você.

If you too have another idiotic question for the Master of the Extraordinary, I can be reached at talesofextraordinarysanity@gmail.com.  

- The Master of the Extraordinary

TES Artist of the Week I – Bezerra da Silva

That’s right. We have an “artist of the week” column. Got a problem with that? Read no further. Is it going to be pretentious? Absolutely! But don’t worry about it; we know more than you. So sit down, be quiet and you just might learn something. (Didn’t your mother ever tell you to respect your elders?)

As the first ever TES Artist of the Week, we’ve chosen Bezerra da Silva (beh-ZEH-huh dah SEEW-vah), a Brazilian musician of samba. Da Silva (1927 – 2005) was born in Recife, Pernambuco (in the northeast of Brazil). At a young age he moved to Rio de Janeiro where he would spend the rest of his life. Overcoming extreme poverty, he achieved enormous success as a singer, guitarist, percussionist and composer, recording more than thirty different albums.

Da Silva’s music depicts the difficult life of the inhabitants of favelas (Brazilian shantytowns), discussing criminality, illicit drugs, snitching, political corruption, police brutality, and discrimination with an ever ironic and humorous tone. His lyrics neither glamorize a marginal lifestyle nor condemn it. They simply portray the realities faced by the poorest members of Brazilian society. However, the songs do praise the malandro, a figure traditionally associated with con-artists and gangsters. According to Da Silva, a malandro is a smart but poor person, who makes the most of what life has given him, even if this means occasionally deceiving others. In this sense, whether someone would be considered intelligent or a malandro is solely a question of economics, not ethics.

In recognition of his consistent combination of brutal honesty, pointed sarcasm, and unsettling moral ambiguity, all set to a lively samba beat, we here at Tales of Extraordinary Sanity are proud to name Bezerra da Silva as our first artist of the week.

Where you should start:

• “Malandragem Dá um Tempo”

• “Candidato Caô Caô”

• “Seqüestraram Minha Sogra”

• “Pai Véio 17”

- Carlos de la Gringa

-Ed. There are currently no good translations into English of these songs. However, we will keep you posted if we find any or if we decide to do some ourselves.

In Defense of Carnival

Today is Ash Wednesday (or it was when I wrote this) and I am sad. Another Carnival has come to an end. Another frigid Carnival spent indoors following coverage on the internet and dreaming of tropical weather, beautiful women and exuberant sounds, colors and smells. But I’m not complaining. Well, maybe a little.

Did the Puritans have to take away everything fun in life? New Orleans is the only place they didn’t touch in this country, the last bastion of pure unadulterated pagan (and vaguely Catholic?) fun. What a pity! It truly is one of the most beautiful and most inspiring celebrations of the year. Seriously!

Now you are welcome to call me a stupid, self-absorbed, Bohemian frat boy, who is only looking for a good time (something I won’t confirm or deny). But if you do, you clearly are missing the point. While Carnival does involve a good amount of having fun, getting drunk, hooking up with strangers, loud music, excessive tourism and commercialization and widespread disorder, there is also something a little more profound going on. For Carnival, is also about letting go of all of your problems for a couple days and allowing yourself to simply enjoy life, stress free, it is about working together to turn a couple of seemingly unimportant days into the most magical time of year, and it is about celebrating life in spite of all the trying difficulties that mankind faces. What could be more beautiful and inspiring than that?

So keep criticizing, if you want. Call me self-centered and uncaring. But don’t expect to be able to save the world, if you’re incapable of occasionally letting loose.

Happy Carnival and see you again next year!

- Carlos de la Gringa