A Once in a Lifetime Apology

Dear TES-Faithful,

Back in June I would never have imagined that this day could come… And yet, here I am, the Master of the Extraordinary, extending a most sincere apology to all of our loyal readers who have put up with our unnecessarily long hiatus from the hallowed pages of the legendary institution that is Tales of Extraordinary Sanity.

But then again, I also would never have guessed that Simone would suddenly go back to Italy without the slightest warning to complete his “studies” or that Carlos would run off to Brazil to find “true love”. It just proves the weak, despicable and down right disgusting nature of the people I’ve had to work with here at TES in order to bring you your beloved articles. This is the last time I ever agree to work with humans.

Anyways, we’re back. Although we will no longer be publishing articles every day, according to the Internal Revenue Service we are still considered a daily. So get excited because we have some new columns lined up for you as well as the typical TES content you’ve come to love and expect.

 

Extraordinarily Yours,

 

- The Master of the Extraordinary

 

PS. Rest assured that those responsible for our extended absence will be adequately punished.

Break-in at TES

So I’m sure by now you all have heard about the raid on our offices by the FBI, CIA, IRS and PETA.  A small squad of ATF agents, wearing bullet-proof vests and carrying M72 LAWs entered our central offices around 5:38 this morning.  They did not accept our offer to sit and chat over a nice cup of hot coffee. Instead they immediately began ransacking our file cabinets and rummaging through stacks of empty bottles, gum wrappers, back issues of MAD Magazine, Carlos’ “XXXtra Fun with Animals” DVDs, Simone’s inflatable Zena Warrior Princess doll, Mike’s letter of “resignation” and the Master of the Extraordinary’s tawashi collection.  We don’t know what they were looking for and we can’t be sure of what they took.

However, we want to assure all of our readers here at Tales of Extraordinary Sanity that we have nothing to hide and are entirely innocent of all wrongdoing.  Furthermore, we have already contacted our lawyers about pressing charges for unlawful search and seizure.  Finally, we want all of our beloved fans to know that in spite of this overt attempt at political persecution, we will not back down and will continue to bring you the truth as long as blood still flows through our battered calloused fingers.

Happy April First!

- Carlos de la Gringa, Mike “the Tiger” MacNamara,

Simone la Cuercha, The Master of the Extraordinary