Lately the “Saturday Night” part has become more figurative than literal. But rather than apologize, we’ll just pull out our nifty little “artistic license”.
Once upon a time on google…
"We figured there was too much happiness here for just the two of us, so we figured the next logical step was to have us a critter."
When your career as an advice columnist doesn’t pan out…
Performing next: the Master of the Extraordinary and the TES Village Idiots!
- The Master of the Extraordinary
I don’t know if this has ever happened to you. Did you ever live in a foreign country, and – god knows why – decide to travel east to west instead of north to south? Huh? No, I am not kidding! Heading southbound is great: warmer weather, friendlier people, etc.
But as I was saying, if you move east to west, a really strange thing happens: The time when the sun rises and sets, changes. This really happens. Because, and don’t get upset if you already know the answer, the Earth rotates! Yes, incredible! This means that if it’s morning in the US, it’s already afternoon in Europe, and that in Japan… it’s already tomorrow! This is how Santa Claus is able to give presents to children all over the world (with a twenty-four hour-long night!). Thus, time zones were born!
Thanks to time zones, people all across the globe will see 8:00 am when they check their watches in the morning and 6:00 pm (18:00) when they check them in the evening. Isn’t it great?
What did you say? You already know all of this? Then why the hell does everybody in Europe insist on calling me at four in the @#$%*&^% morning?? And when I say everybody, I mean not only telemarketers but even parents, friends, and old employers. Everybody! My priest back home even called me once wondering why he hadn’t seen me at church in 20 years.
I know what you are thinking: this will never happen to me. Well, trust me. It will happen even sooner than you could possibly imagine. So do the right thing. Teach your parents and friends about a fantastic new invention called Google. Just type a phrase in any language, and this “magic box” will teach you all about it. If they type “Time zones” for example, they will even be able to find simple charts that will clarify any “confusion” they might have. But just in case the charts aren’t straightforward enough, learn them yourself to be able to explain them to your loved ones.
Last but not least: Always turn your phone off before you go to sleep! Good night.
- Simone la Cuercha