Ask the Master of the Extraordinary – Perplexed Girlfriend

I can’t believe they talked me into doing a second one.  There is nothing funny about me giving “relationship advice”.  I just hope this doesn’t turn into a regular thing….

Dear Master of the Extraordinary,

So I guess you have a cool site or whatever.  But like, you need to help me, NOW!  I’m having a problem with my boyfriend.  We’ve been dating for a couple months and he still hasn’t visited my home, even though I’ve been to his place all the time. Whenever I suggest it, he always says he is too busy or simply changes the subject.  It’s very weird.  I live with five other girls, who are practically sisters to me.  I’m sure he would get along with them, and they would find him adorable.  While the house can be a bit hectic and loud at times, it’s still a lot of fun.  Please tell me, what can I do to get him to come over?? Thanks so much!

Sincerely,

Perplexed Girlfriend

Dear Perplexed Girlfriend,

Your boyfriend doesn’t want to take part in your estrogen-fueled slumber parties?  I’m so shocked to hear that; I can’t imagine why (sarcasm). Whoever said that girls were the gentler sex obviously never had to live with them.  They are loud, messy, and they create drama by talking about each other behind their backs instead of just stepping outside and having it out. Be thankful your boyfriend hasn’t set foot inside your house yet!  It’s better this way; trust me.

Cordially,

The Master of the Extraordinary

-Ed. Just to be clear, the views expressed by The Master of the Extraordinary are his and his alone. They do not necessarily reflect the views of the site as a whole. I think you should just tell your boyfriend how you feel.  If he can’t respect your feelings then dump him.

Fucking pansy! No wonder you’re alone. Nobody cares what you think. Also I’m supposed tell people that if they want me to give them advice then they should write me with their questions at talesofextraordinarysanity@gmail.com (please don’t!).

-The Master of the Extraordinary

Glass or straw: the Survey

I lost a tooth. My left foot hurts. When three girls in yellow and black arrived – fucking “Kill Bill” fans, they didn’t even let me finish the question. “If we see you here again tomorrow, we’ll cut it off, you got me, funny guy?!?” One of them stomped on my belly 3 times – I still have the marks from those high heels and a bump on my head from where she hit me with my notebook.

That’s the last time I try to conduct a survey. But guys, seriously, aren’t you curious why men drink directly from the glass, while women prefer to suck it up with a straw? “Pervert, worm!” Two days later and I already wanted to quit. “But it’s completely anonymous…” “Prick, idiot! You asshole, you are disgusting!” And again, “Pervert, stay away from me”.

I even asked a tall hairy woman with a tattoo on her arm. Her name is Lulu.

“If you want honey, come with me upstairs and I’ll show you.” Really, what’s up with you people? It’s a normal question! And what’s all this nonsense and violence?!?

“Please, come upstairs…” “No, Lulu!”

And this is the final straw. I quit!

One hour later.

“I’m sorry, miss, can I ask you a question? We are trying to conduct a survey. It’s for my sociology class. Do you prefer to drink directly from the glass or with a straw?”

She winks at me, “I am sorry; I drink from the bottle,” and she leaves.

Gosh, I am in love.

- Simone la Cuercha