Tag Archives: FBI

Tales of Extraordinary Sanity is on twitter!

Yes, we are pestering you. Yes, we are spamming you! Every day, without shame. It wasn’t enough to write a daily article about nothing and post on our Facebook, “subtlely” encouraging you to read our articles. Now TES is on Twitter! Are you one of the “thousands of hundreds” that can’t live without us? What? Did you cheer with us when our site got flagged for explicit content? When your mother caught you while you were looking at porn, did you use Carlos’s article In Defense of Pornography as your defense? Did you get grounded anyway, as if the emotional trauma was not bad enough? Do you know why you got grounded? Because you are an idiot! And do you know why you are an idiot? Because you read too much Tales of Extraordinary Sanity!

Picture is not related: the scientist is Richards Theodore William in his labResults of a European survey – and Europeans know everything – show how reading bullshit on a regular basis can seriously damage your neuronal connections. The brain starts the production of a toxic neurotransmitter – Stupidin – that inhibits the communication between synapses and causes insanity and hysteria. But the worst of all: top-secret governmental research seems to indicate that Stupidin is the cause of happiness and independent thinking. Stupidin was discovered by the Nazi scientist Hans Fuchshard Kulen during the ‘40s. Fuchshard Kulen’s hope was to discover the cause of male superiority over women. Sad to say, his final results showed that Stupidin is present in equal quantities among all humans. After the war the US government helped him defect to the US to continue his research during the late ‘60s.

Apparently, high concentrations of Stupidin can help people attain higher levels of consciousness and desires for freedom. As a result, every governmental attempt at brainwashing people has been compromised by Stupidin. But the US government learned from Hans Fuchshard Kulen’s results, and since the ‘70s, the FBI has been monitoring and containing outbreaks of Stupidin. Why am I telling you all of this? Because it has been proven that reading Tales of Extraordinary Sanity increases one’s levels of Stupidin. For this reason we will continue publishing daily without fail, until the day “they”come for us.

So don’t forget: Tales of Extraordinary Sanity is now on twitter!

- Simone la Cuercha

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TES Artist of the Week III

Así que mala mia si me pongo perverso

Pero es que tu me tienes escupiendo versos

-Calle 13, “Tango del Pecado”

For our third Artist of the Week here at TES, we’ve decided to honor one of our favorite rappers in the game today.  One of the crudest, rudest, smartest (he has a master’s!), most controversial and most creative rappers that I’ve ever heard.  And he does it all in Spanish!

He is the writer and lead singer for rap/reggaetón/electronica /cumbia/batucada/etc. group Calle 13, which has recorded four albums so far, filmed one documentary and won countless musical awards.  They are also a group known for making people mad: already having criticized the FBI, the Puerto Rican police forces, the mayor of San Juan: Jorge Santini, and more than half the reggaetón industry, having recorded a music video with significant nudity and having had several songs banned from the airways.

When I first heard the group my freshman year of college, their music took me by surprise.  I expected typical reggaetón with its energetic beat and its vulgar lyrics. While it definitely provided that, when I listened closely to the lyrics, I realized they were a lot more offensive than I had imagined; they were also clever, funny, thought provoking and honest – something not found in most music of any genre these days.  While I disagreed and still disagree with many of his views, I came to find that I still agreed with at least the spirit of a lot of what he was saying.

For challenging us to think differently about issues such as poverty, violence, drug trafficking, sexuality, Latin American identity and Latin American – US relations, we are proud to name René Pérez Joglar aka Residente as the third TES Artist of the Week.

-Carlos de la Gringa

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Break-in at TES

So I’m sure by now you all have heard about the raid on our offices by the FBI, CIA, IRS and PETA.  A small squad of ATF agents, wearing bullet-proof vests and carrying M72 LAWs entered our central offices around 5:38 this morning.  They did not accept our offer to sit and chat over a nice cup of hot coffee. Instead they immediately began ransacking our file cabinets and rummaging through stacks of empty bottles, gum wrappers, back issues of MAD Magazine, Carlos’ “XXXtra Fun with Animals” DVDs, Simone’s inflatable Zena Warrior Princess doll, Mike’s letter of “resignation” and the Master of the Extraordinary’s tawashi collection.  We don’t know what they were looking for and we can’t be sure of what they took.

However, we want to assure all of our readers here at Tales of Extraordinary Sanity that we have nothing to hide and are entirely innocent of all wrongdoing.  Furthermore, we have already contacted our lawyers about pressing charges for unlawful search and seizure.  Finally, we want all of our beloved fans to know that in spite of this overt attempt at political persecution, we will not back down and will continue to bring you the truth as long as blood still flows through our battered calloused fingers.

Happy April First!

- Carlos de la Gringa, Mike “the Tiger” MacNamara,

Simone la Cuercha, The Master of the Extraordinary

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Filed under ...and that's how it all started, Carlos de la Gringa, Mike “the Tiger” MacNamara, Simone la Cuercha, The Master of the Extraordinary