Today’s article is a question. And my question is (I say “my”, but it should be everybody’s question – everybody that has “a” IQ above zero. Mine is 30!): How has Hollywood and the film industry in general been able to consistently ruin everything that they possibly can for the last ten years?
How is it possible that for the last ten years when I look up what’s “Coming soon,” there are only stupid romantic comedies and film adaptations of comic book superhero stories? And I am not referring to The Matrix being destroyed by those disgusting sequels: Revolution and Reloaded. I am also not talking about the sequel to Spiderman (It makes me puke just to think about that sequel). But why talk about Spiderman and The Matrix? Because lately it seems that movies in general and American movies in particular can’t do anything other than rip off classic novels, destroying the beauty of works beloved by generations of readers.
What am I talking about? This:
Now I have to see again, for the ten thousandth time, one of my favorite books – because I love that damn Frenchy Dumas – ruined by idiots only looking to fill movie theaters. I give them only two years until they put a machinegun wielding Ahab on a boat with a bad Jack Sparrow-imitation as Ishmael, so that we can watch them kill Moby Dick on the big screen. Am I exaggerating? Do you remember Troy? Did you read The Iliad? I swear I never fell asleep reading The Iliad (and that poem is f***ing boring) but I fell asleep watching the movie. I only woke up because I needed to go to the bathroom, and there was Achilles inside the walls of Troy. I only had enough energy to say, “Crap!”
And if you are wondering how this is all possible. Well, we should look no further than ourselves. An industry in crisis wouldn’t make a movie like this if nobody paid to see it.
Wait a sec… what?!? The trailer mentioned it only at the very end. It’s in 3D!!! I love 3D and watching all the cross-eyed people trying to leave the theater! Guys, we have to go!!!
- Simone la Cuercha